No Girls Allowed
by StarxBright
Summary: Hermione wants to go to a very prestigious Arithmacy school...and she needs Fred Weasley's help to get in. On hiatus.
1. Prologue

Hermione Granger was widely known as being the calmest of the Golden Trio. Ron and Harry were hot tempered for the title, though Harry more than Ron. Either way, the majority of the Wizarding World (in Britain anyway) always thought Hermione knew how to handle any situation.

They were wrong.

Hermione was knocking rapidly on the last door of the second hallway of her apartment building. It still amused her, to this very day that he rented an apartment in the same building as her, once his brother got hitched.

After nearly ten minutes of knocking, the door finally opened.

"Fred, I need your help."

"Actually Hermione, I'm kind of in the middle of something…"

"It can wait," Hermione said briskly, pushing past Fred, who was standing dumbstruck in his door in a hastily tied bathrobe and with bubbles in his hair.

"Er…alright." Hesitantly, Fred followed her into the flat.

Hermione flopped dramatically onto Fred's sofa, covering her eyes with her hand and sighing. "You remember the University I applied to, right? The Arithmacy one in Whales?"

Fred nodded, cautiously sitting on the arm of the couch. It wasn't that Fed didn't like seeing Hermione; on the contrary, he often wondered if he liked seeing the brainy brunette a little _too_ much. He just wasn't sure what the point of this little meeting was, and the now damp bathrobe was starting to stick in not-so-comfortable places.

"I got an owl back from them today. I was rejected."

Fred's mouth dropped open in shock. "Did they say why? That's ridiculous, how –?"

"It's an all-boys school," Hermione interrupted. "Apparently, they forgot to mention that part in the brochure," she added bitterly.

"Oh Hermione," Fred muttered. "I'm sorry."

Hermione sighed again, sitting up straight. "That's why I need your help," she said. "I need to go to that school."

"But if it's a school for blokes…"

"Then I guess I'm going to have to become a bloke."

Fred fell off the arm of the couch, landing on the floor with a loud bang. "W-w-what?" he spluttered.

**Yay, new story! I'm really excited about this goofy little AU, and I hope you guys enjoy it. It won't be updated as much as He Noticed Her, but it won't be abandoned. Leave me a review with your thoughts!**


	2. Chapter 1

Hermione rolled her eyes and stood up from the couch, offering her hand to help Fred up.

"Was that really necessary?" she asked, tugging him to his feet.

"Well you can't just spring something like that on me and expect me to react calmly!"

Carefully, Fred sat down again, this time actually on the couch, rather than the arm. Hermione sat right next to him, turned so they were nearly face-to-face. She opened her mouth to speak, then stopped suddenly, taking in his appearance.

"Fred…why are you wearing a bathrobe?"

"Because I was in the middle of a shower when you started knocking on my door like a crazy person!" Fred exclaimed defensively.

Hermione had the decency to at least look a little sorry. "Er, right. Sorry. You can go…finish up. I'll – I'll wait here."

Hermione ducked her head, her loose brown hair falling in front of her reddened face. Fred nodded, blushing a little himself, and headed for his bathroom.

After the fastest shower he ever remembered taking, he bound to his bedroom to throw on some clothes. He was back in the sitting room with Hermione thirty seconds later in basic pants and a jumper, his red hair still dripping water down his face and neck.

"So, what were we talking about?" he asked cheerfully.

"Making me look like a boy so I can go to an all-boys school."

Fred's smile faltered immediately. "Oh yeah…"

xXxXxXxXx

"Do you really think this is going to work?" Fred asked, flipping absently through one of the books Hermione had thrust at him earlier. Somewhere in the mess that had suddenly become his life, Fred had agreed to help Hermione out. They were now sitting in her flat, doing research.

Hermione didn't even look away from her own book to answer. "If we find the right spells, absolutely."

"What if we don't find the right spells?"

This time Hermione put down her book, closing it with an audible 'snap'. "Then I'll chop off my hair and wear baggy clothes," she deadpanned. "I'm not looking for anything fancy Fred. I mean, I can wear looser clothes, though it's not like I have all that much to hide."

Fred begged to differ, but thought it might be best to keep quiet on that issue. "What about your hair?" he asked instead.

Hermione took a minute to respond to that one. "Well, I don't really want to cut it, seeing as it took forever to get it this long. I could shorten it with a spell, but it takes ages to perfect the incantation and I really don't have the time…I guess I could tuck it under a hat. I really want to see if I can find something to change my eye color or skin tone, so I'm a little less recognizable, you know? But I don't think I'm going to have any luck in these books."

Fred shrugged and gave a slight nod, which apparently was a good enough answer for Hermione, because she went back to her book.

Three hours later, Fred was kicked out of Hermione flat (with a reminder that there was a Weasley dinner next week, and he had missed the last two) after promising to keep an eye out for anything helpful.

Instead of heading down the hallway to his own apartment, Fred spun on the spot the moment Hermione closed the door. He landed easily in George's foyer, hollering his twin's name the second his feet connected with solid ground.

"You really shouldn't show up all unannounced Freddie," George said, striding around the corner and towards his brother. "I could have been shagging my wife for all you knew."

"Seeing as Angelina doesn't get out of work for another," Fred glanced at the clock on the wall, "hour and a half, I figured I was safe," Fred teased.

"Yeah, yeah," said George, waving his brother off. "So, what brings you to my humble abode?"

"Hermione's changing into a bloke!" Fred blurted out, suddenly remembering the whole reason he had come.

George stared, shocked, before cracking a grin. "Well, that puts a damper on your little crush, doesn't it?"

Fred rolled his eyes and blushed, ignoring George's crush comment. "Not literally, just…you have to swear not to tell a soul."

George mimed zipping his lips.

"She wants to go to this all-boys Arithmacy school, so she's going to reapply with a boy name and dress like a bloke for classes. And she wants my help."

George didn't have a response at first. Instead, he walked into his kitchen, and Fred followed, confused.

George fumbled around his kitchen, grabbing at things and putting them back, opening and closing drawers. He seemed to be looking for something that wasn't there. Finally, he leaned back against the counter, his face a mixture of agony and amazement.

"Only Hermione Granger could pull this off," he said, finding his voice, though it was a little thick.

"I know," said Fred. "That's what I'm worried about."

**And there you have it! Thoughts?**


	3. Chapter 2

"Thanks for doing this for me, Fred," Hermione said, stepping to the side to let Fred into her apartment.

"No problem Granger," said Fred, putting the bags he had been carrying on the coffee table in the sitting room. "I figured it would look pretty odd if you went out on a shopping spree in the men's section."

"Do you think this will work?" she asked, pulling a large flannel shirt out of one of the bags and examining it carefully.

Fred thought back to his conversation with George last week, picking out his words carefully. "I think that if anybody can pull this off, it will be you."

Hermione smiled widely at him, and his stomach did a flip. "I'll go try this on."

xXxXxXxXx

"I'm starting to think this was a really bad idea."

Fred rolled his eyes, grateful that Hermione couldn't see him do it. "Little late for that Hermione, yyou already sent in your application," he called.

"Maybe they'll say no?" Hermione's voice, muffled by the closed bathroom door, sounded a little too hopeful.

"With your brains? Not bloody likely."

Hermione groaned. "I don't know what I was thinking, there's no way this is going to work."

"Just get out here and let me see you, Granger!"

There was a minute or two of silence before the handle started rattling, and Hermione pushed open the bathroom door.

She was wearing long, shapeless slacks and a tweed blazer at least two sizes too big for her. She had tucked her hair up under a bowler hat, much like Fudge used to wear, and had cleaned all the make-up off her face.

"So…what do you think?" she asked nervously, tugging on the hem of the jacket.

Fred took her appearance in, starting to feel a little sick to his stomach. "You look like a very…pretty…boy."

Hermione blushed. "Is that good?"

Fred nodded. "This might actually work," he said, sounding a little breathless.

Hermione beamed.

xXxXxXxXx

"Don't you think they'll be a little curious?" Hermione asked nervously, adjusting her shirt in the hallway mirror for the fifth time.

"What do you mean?" Fred asked, trying to hide how bothered he was by her tone.

"I just mean that you and I haven't really spent much time together in the past, that's all," Hermione defended, finally turning away from the mirror. "I imagine your family will wonder why we walked in together."

Fred had ended up spending the rest of the afternoon with Hermione, goofing around with her new clothes and talking about nothing and everything. It had been fun, and Fred had been surprised when Hermione had announced that they should be getting ready for the Weasley dinner she had reminded him about last week.

"You want to keep this whole boy thing a secret, right?"

Hermione nodded. "I'm sure you've told George, and of course I've talked to Ginny about it, but yeah, other than that I'd like to keep it between us."

"Right, so we'll just say we met outside the house. No big deal, Granger." Fred smiled widely at her, and Hermione offered a small smile in return.

Fred opened up the hall closet to get his and Hermione's coats, when he noticed there was a lot of stuff in it for just one person.

"Hermione?" he asked, handing her the coat. "Do you have a roommate?"

Hermione nodded, shrugging into her coat. "Hermione name is Jenna. We work in the same department at the Ministry, but right now she's on holiday, visiting her parents in America. She should be back…soon." Hermione suddenly looked worried. "I don't know how I'm going to explain this to her. We don't really talk much."

""You're roommates and you don't talk?"

"Our arrangement is more of a convenience than a friendship. When Ginny moved out to live with Harry, I wasn't really used to living by myself. So I put up an ad at the Ministry, and Jenna answered it," Hermione explained patiently. "Can we go now, please, before we're late?"

"Right, right, sorry," Fred said quickly, feeling guilty for prying.

Hermione smiled, showing Fred she wasn't really mad. Then she Disapparated, and Fred followed closely behind.

They arrived just outside the wards of the Burrow, at the end of the dirt path leading up to the door to the kitchen. They walked down it in a comfortable silence, and when they reached the door Fred happily held it open for the brunette. She let out a small giggle at the sight of him gesturing her through the threshold.

"Fred! Hermione! You made it!" Mrs. Weasley's enthusiastic voice grew louder as she moved into the kitchen.

"Honestly mum, I'm twenty one years old and you still can't tell _I'm_ George?"

Mrs. Weasley placed her hands on her hips, glaring playfully at her son. "Seeing as you have both of your ears, I figured I would take my chances and guess that you were Fred."

Fred leaned down towards Hermione. "It was worth a shot," he stage whispered.

Mrs. Weasley watched the exchange with a knowing look that made Hermione blush.

"Come on, let's go mingle while mum finishes cooking," Fred said, oblivious to the moment passing between the two women.

Hermione let Fred lead her into the Burrow's living room, where the rest of the Weasleys and their significant others were chatting animatedly. Fred immediately migrated towards George and Angelina, and Hermione went straight to Harry, Ron, and Ginny.

"Hey guys," she said brightly, giving each of them a hug. "Ron, where's Padma?"

Ron and Padma Patil had been dating for the past six months, and in that time she hasn't missed a Weasley dinner.

"Her sister has her helping with wedding invitations. She's going to try to stop in later tonight, if Parvati ever calms down about her wedding," Ron explained, rolling his eyes. Hermione and Ginny let out a giggle.

"If you'll excuse us boys, I just need to talk to Hermione for a minute…over there." Ginny grabbed Hermione's wrist and pulled her away from Harry and Ron. The boys exchanged confused glances, but the odd behavior of the women was quickly forgotten as they started up a conversation about the latest Quidditch match.

Ginny rolled her eyes as she saw Ron gesture widely as he demonstrated some Quidditch move for Harry. "Well that was easy," she said. "They don't take much to get distracted."

Hermione laughed as well, but she didn't let the redhead's joke make her forget that Ginny had pulled her away from the boys. "What do you want Ginny?"

Ginny grinned. "How are things with you and Fred?"

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You make it sound like we're dating. He's just helping me out," Hermione insisted.

"Sure he is. And he's doing it, what, out of the kindness of his heart?"

Hermione colored. "Er…yes?"

Ginny smirked. "Good luck with this crazy plan of yours Hermione. You're going to need it."

**This chapter was a lot longer than the last one, and honestly longer than I expected it to be, but it just didn't want to end. I am so, so sorry for the wait on this chapter. It should have been up days ago, but I've been running a 102 fever since Wednesday, and I'm only just starting to feel better today. But it's here now, and I hope you guys like it. Leave me a review and let me know what you thought of it!**


	4. Chapter 3

**I apologize the hiatus. I was depressed and then I was disgustingly busy with graduation and my job. But I'm back now, and with my boyfriend going to college in October, I should be posting fairly regularly again. Thank you to everyone who stuck with me while I was gone. Your words of encouragement were fantastic. **

**This will not be the only story I'm updating tonight. It'll just be the first.**

xXxXxXxXx

"You know Granger, it's not too late to turn around and find a better way."

Hermione glared at Fred's reflection in her mirror as she tucked her hair under the bowler cap. She and Fred were in her bedroom while she got ready to visit the school. "If you can think of an easier way, by all means, tell me. Besides, I already told them I'd be at the orientation."

"You want an easier way? Don't go! Tell them the truth!" Fred exclaimed.

Hermione just laughed. "I'm doing this Fred. I got in, and I'm doing it."

Fred sighed. "No Hermione. You didn't get in. Simon did."

Hermione's eyes narrowed. "That's not the poi – "

"Hermione, I'm back!"

Hermione's eyes widened in panic. "Shit, that's Jenna."

Fred, momentarily distracted by the fact that Hermione just swore, had to recollect himself before responding. "Jenna? Isn't she your roommate? I thought she was visiting her parents!"

"Well obviously she came back, didn't she?"

"Hermione?" Jenna called.

"Shit," Hermione said again. "She can't see me like this."

"Giggle."

Hermione looked up at Fred in confusion. "What?"

"Giggle. Come on Granger, like you mean it."

Realization dawned in Hermione's eyes, and she let out the giddiest giggle she could manage, taking the hat off as Fred grabbed the comforter off her bed and tossed is at her. She wrapped it around herself as Fred nearly tore his shirt off and sat down on her bed.

Hermione flung open the door, trying to seem breathless, and grinned at her roommate's surprised face. "Jenna! Hi! We…er, I, wasn't expecting you back until later!"

"Are you…?" Jenna trailed off, glancing around Hermione at Fred.

"Well, we _were_," Hermione tried to sound annoyed, "but then you came home."

Jenna's blush was dark enough to match the Weasleys.

"Come back to bed, Hermione," Fred called, his voice breaking through the awkward silence.

"In a minute sweetie," Hermione said, turning her head to stick her tongue out at Fred before smiling back at Jenna.

"I'm, er, going to go and, uh, check in at work. Bye," Jenna said quickly, disapparating on the spot. The moment she was gone, Fred and Hermione burst into laughter.

"I can't believe that worked," Hermione said. "She really thought we were in here shagging!"

"Want her to be right?" Fred asked, winking obnoxiously.

Hermione laughed. "I think I'll take a rain check."

"I'm holding you to that," Fred told her, pulling his shirt back on. "Come on, fix your hair or you'll be late."

Hermione stuck her tongue out at Fred again, slamming her hat onto her head.

xXxXxXxXx

About two hours later, Fred sat on the stairs outside of Hermione's school, waiting for Hermione, er, Simon, to get out of orientation.

As people started to file out, he spotted Her – Simon near the back of the group and headed over. They walked in silence, until they were far enough away from everyone that Hermione could talk freely.

"So, how was it?" Fred asked, already anticipating her long answer.

"Oh Fred, it was absolutely incredible! The school is huge and beautiful, the professors are just amazing…"

Her voice faded into the background, like it did when she would lecture him back at Hogwarts. It wasn't that he didn't care, because he did, honestly. He just knew she'd tell him all of this again in a much shorter, more condensed version, and he generally liked that story better.

"…right Freddie?"

"Absolutely Granger," Fred said, right on time.

Hermione grinned back. "So you really think I should shave my head and join the circus?"

Fred blushed, realizing he had been caught. "If that's what makes you, you know, happy, then I say go for it," he said in a weak attempt to cover his tracks.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You're an idiot."

Fred batted his eye lashes at her. "But I'm _your_ idiot."

She laughed. "Come on my idiot, let's get some lunch."


End file.
